It has been a long time since I’ve written to you, again. One might say, I’m truly inconsistent. I disagree! I am very consistent – at not publishing articles for my little corner of the internet, this website. I’m gonna change that. Promise.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Natalie. I live in Canada and I’m the Cool Vegan. Or well, I’m trying my best to be her, anyway. Another thing about me, I am rapidly approaching 150 days free of alcohol and other unmentionables… something I am very proud of and for which I am eternally grateful.
Things have been crystal clear, lately.
I’ve been focusing on spiritual growth as of late. For someone who didn’t let themselves feel properly for many years, someone who was constantly running to the next best thing and the next best place, always searching outside of myself, full of fear, someone like me… this is a difficult process.
It’s been a struggle!
I find myself crying a lot. But they aren’t the desperate, angry, bitter tears of the past. They are just…
I feel so much now, and every day I get stronger and more adept at getting through situations while conducting myself in a way that makes me proud. I hold myself in high esteem. I’ve finally realized that stewing away in my head, trying desperately to escape what is absolutely out of my control and therefore not my responsibility – carrying all that extra weight, was causing me so much unnecessary inner turmoil. It was blocking me from my true purpose.
Plus! The chaos showed up visibly as a red rash all over my body – psoriasis, ( that’s healing too, by the way.) Talk about the universe giving me a sign to change. I was so blind in a lot of ways but… something’s changed. I don’t let those feelings block me from doing things that need to be done these days. Things in which I feel called to participate.
There is a power in me, I can feel it like a channel, streaming. So naturally, I’ve tried to be quiet. I’ve tried my best to listen closely. When I do, all the noise, visual, virtual and auditory, falls away. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen so many beautiful things, believe me!!
This year has been transformative for all of us, in many ways. Obviously it’s been a year full of global pain, unlike anything any LIVING human can remember experiencing. It’s brought us together as a human race, and it’s shown us things the old ways were hiding. What is really important? What are we even doing?
Overthinking will kill you slowly. Anxiety and depression will have nearly as strong an impact on us, especially long term, then a virus ever could. There is suffering.
Then there is suffering without meaning, which is despair. I am not in despair anymore so I know the difference. As soon as we have a reason for our suffering, it makes it WORTH IT! That is the juicy stuff of life, give me more!!!
What do we want to spend our lives doing?! When I think about all the suffering in this world, it makes me weep. In case you hadn’t thought about it, c0v1d 19 wouldn’t exist in a vegan world. We’ve lost touch with our animal brethren, who inhabited the earth before us and it’s their lives we are selfishly destroying when we aren’t practicing veganism to the best of our ability.
It is too much to process. Sometimes all we can really focus on is the world inside of us today. True change starts in the heart of e v e r y o n e. A movement of love is needed now more than ever! A movement of love, started by small daily changes. Acts of love to ourselves. Acts of love for everyone else. Let’s be our own damn Valentines, this Valentine’s Day. It’s time to be more awake.
What better way to get back to the basics. Why don’t we start our own gardens! This year has been a true test of strength. I was having a conversation with my mother the other day, about my recovery among other things. While I am focusing on the quality of each day as it passes, rather than the simple quantity of days I have amassed since I changed my ways, 150 days off the sauce still feels like call for a celebration!!!
My mom made a remark, “oh, now you’re getting angry!” and I know how she meant it. She meant it as a power thing. She is a farmer and runs a whole operation, it’s been -50 celsius where she lives the last few days. The winter is brutal and it calls for a warrior’s temperament to get through the work outdoors when the temperature runs in that range.
She meant that I’m stubborn; I’ve got my hooks in life today. Rage can be a great instigator. It flowed through me freely for a long time before things changed. Still, I thought to myself, ‘sorry mom, but that ain’t it!”
I’m not angry, I’m inspired! It’s not rage that fuels me; it’s love.
The best part is: I’m not trying to convert you, I just wish you were as happy as me! I’m going to be sharing my forays into all sorts of fun activities, including spiritual practices and more tangible things in life such as:
Gardening and cooking as a way to commune with spirit
Physical activity as a way to honour your body
Vegan activism as a service toward the greater good.
I’ll be honest, just thinking about it makes me excited!! I can’t wait to share my knowledge with you, and for you to grow with me. Who knows, maybe it will make us both better people.
Cool Vegan 🌹 (Natalie)